“You are a big failure”, she grumbled. “Please don’t leave me. Give me another chance. I can prove myself”, I pleaded. Turning her back towards me, she walked out of my life.
I wanted to be an entrepreneur to make a killing. So, I quit my fat salaried job as a Chartered Accountant and threw my CV on the face of my friend Sudeep and told him, “Please go home and burn my CV. I don’t need it anymore.”
I started a start-up only to see it fail. I said to myself, “what if I failed once, let’s start another one, I failed yet again. I got back up the third time and the cycle repeated, but this third failure knocked me out.
With three failed start-ups on my LinkedIn profile and as a result of that, one failed relationship on my Facebook profile, I went into a severe depression for one and a half months. It attacked my appetite. I lived only on morning breakfast and eventually shrunk to a skeleton.
It was 10 P.M. I was sitting on my couch all alone. I found no reason to wake up the next morning and thought to put an end to this aimless life. I stood up from the couch and walked…. first step, second step, third step, and…. boom! The house was blacked out, power was cut in the area. Slowly and cautiously I walked back and sat on the couch. The thought of suicide stayed for one full minute. I had no clue what to do next!
“Amrut, whenever you’re stuck up with the question ‘What next?’ read random.”, my elder brother used to say. I somehow grabbed a random book lying nearby, put my phone’s flashlight on, and started reading:
Lord Krishna says to his brother Balarama, “It’s getting dark and it’s a dense forest. I think we should take a halt here and resume our journey tomorrow morning.” “Yes, I agree”, nodded Balarama. “Balarama, I shall go to sleep now while you keep a guard on us. When you get tired, please wake me up so that you take a rest while I do the patrolling, okay?”, said Krishna while going to sleep.
Suddenly, as Balarama was walking to and fro, a monster arrives. He yells at Balarama. Frightened Balarama shrinks into size, which gives him confidence and he grows bigger. The monster screams again. Balarama, out of fear shouts, “Krishnaaaaaa” and faints on the ground.
Krishna assumes Balarama is sleeping and wakes up to guard. The monster, seeing Krishna, yells at him, to which he calmly says, “What do you want?” Looking at the confidence of the new fellow, the monster shrinks in size and Krishna’s grows bigger.
The monster, in a desperate attempt, gives another cry of roar, but Krishna, with no effect whatsoever, says with a smile, “What do you want?” The monster shrinks to a tiny nut. Krishna picks him and ties him to a knot on his dhoti.
At sunrise, both brothers resume their journey. Balarama could not resist sharing his horrible experience last night.
“You know what brother, last night a huge monster had almost killed me!” Krishna, pulling out the tiny monster from his dhoti’s knot asks, “Are you talking about him?” “Yes! But how come he is so small?” Krishna’s epic message echoes in my dark house:
“When you avoid a challenge or a problem in life, it becomes bigger than you and takes control over you. When you face it, you become bigger, and you gain control over it.”
I decided to face the monster of my life – the failed entrepreneur within me. The thought of suicide never came back. Thanks to that book and of course, special guest appearance, the power cut.
I believed that the only way to face monsters was to read as many books as I can. They can make us think differently. They can change our lives, bring health, wealth, love, happiness, a lot more…. and make us empathetic humans.
Do you believe in my belief?
If yes, then I will see you again next week where I talk about searching my WHY. Till then, happy reading and bye-bye!